kiy when 20

jan 10 2026 \

I am desperate, desperate for attention. it was not always like this. I used be that friend in a group who was least interested in things going on other’s life but doesn’t mean i didn’t get enough love then. People liked me because i don’t know (maybe i was like-able person then) there’s one friend of mine, she used to tell how much ‘kiy’meant to her, but i guess I was non-responsive for that love . I never gave her much time of mine. we rarely talk now, not because of love faded it’s just that we joined new college and stuff ..she says

Now kiy is desperate .. desperate for attention.. but attention not from the place she is at right now. Because she thinks she doesn’t belong here (which is true) the attention she seeks now is at internet.

chess.com

A strange, silent cafe where you speak only in the clatter of pieces. A connection that is pure, distilled strategy-until the moment you type “good game” and hope, absurdly, for a paragraph back. You don’t get one. The game ends. You are alone in the cafe again. i made a friend there . it’s been 2 years . i think he’s already done with me lmao . but he promised that he will call me for his wedding . yay

Then my brother, a genius of the overlooked ecosystem, showed me the tide pools of the internet: the YouTube live stream with an audience you can count on one hand. This is not a stadium. This is a small, dimly lit room where the door is always unlocked. You walk in. The streamer says your username. You type “gl hf” and they read it aloud. The transaction is immediate, visceral, and complete.

For sixty minutes, I am not a ghost. I am text on a screen, a cheer in an empty stadium that the player can actually hear. I am a source of a tiny, quantifiable dopamine hit for a stranger.